Humor for the day

[CadillacMatt]

What a way to boost yer post count...  

[new2pa]

yeah... but this **** is pissing me off!  I would be better off in the games thread... at least I would have fun

[CadillacMatt]

You'll be alright, I promise 

[new2pa]

probably... but did the stupid pic ever come up?

[CadillacMatt]

Yep

[new2pa]

YEAH!!!!  About time... the sh*t is not as funny as it was when I started....

[WDVE]

Men and Women of the World as to their Age....



WOMAN :
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa, half
discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe, well
developed and open to trade, especially for someone with
cash.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very
hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently
aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain,
with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has
been through war and doesn't make the same mistakes twice,
takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada,
self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet, wildly beautiful,
with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages...only
those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual
knowledge visit there.


MAN :
Between 1 and 70, a man is like Iran,
ruled by Nuts....

[new2pa]

Obama fans.... don't get mad.. it is just a joke




Barack Obama was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes.

They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asked the president if he would like to lead the discussion of the word 'tragedy.'

So our illustrious president asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy.'

One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field

And a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy."

"No," said Obama, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff,

Killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explained Obama. "That's what we would call great loss."

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Obama searched the room.

"Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said:

"If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to

Smithereens that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic!" exclaimed Obama. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?"

"Well," says the boy, "It has to be a tragedy,

Because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss...and it probably wouldn't be an accident

[CadillacMatt]

That's funny New!  Use GWB's name and you probably wouldn't get harassed!

[new2pa]

ah...they can bring it on

I should have just put "insert you un-favorite president here"

[redcap]

Regardless, new, that is funny.

[new2pa]

 

[new2pa]

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Never hold your farts in.
They travel up your spine, into our brain and THAT is where sh*tty ideas come from!!!

[BadBird_Squared]

Why don't Italians like Jehovas Witnesses

Italians don't like ANY WITNESSES !!!

  NYUK NYUK NYUK !!! 

[WDVE]

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, 'If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?'

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, 'Sure, Why not?'

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-Tech Miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, 'You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.'

'That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,' says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the Bud says to the young man, 'Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?'

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, 'Okay, why not?'

'You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government', says Bud.

'Wow! That's correct,' says the yuppie, 'but how did you guess that?'

'No guessing required.' answered the cowboy. 'You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep. . .Now give me back my dog.